:::JEFTIN(a) TELE(tina) 2:::

Mjere Žaka su 38-26-36 i to lijeve ruke

Žak je privlačan samo gravitaciji.

Da je Žak avion bio bi Jumbo Jet.

Žak ima svoj poštanski broj.

Žak se vidi na satelitu.

Kad Žak skače bungee, ide ravno u pakao.

Sliku Žaka možete vidjeti u časopisu na stranici 4, 5, 6, 7 i 8.

Žaku su krafne tic-tac.

Žak napuni kadu, i onda pusti vodu.

Žak mora izači iz auta da bi promjenio radiostanicu.

Žak ima dva trbuha. Jedan za meso drugi za povrće.

Žak igra biljar sa planetima.

Žak stavlja majonezu na aspirin.

Kad Žak stane na vagu, vidi svoj broj mobitela.

Žak se ne šali kad kaže: "Tako sam gladan, da bi mogao pojesti vola"

Kad Žak dođe u restoran, on pojede i "Hvala, dođite opet!"

Kad Žak trči, CD player preskače. Na radiostanici.

Leži Žak na plaži, dođu aktivisti i vrate ga u more.

Žak uzima godišnji da bi mogao naći svog pimpeka.

Dođe Žak u restoran i konobar mu pokaže meni. Žak ga otvori i kaže: "U redu."

Žak se može uslikati fotoaparatom jedino ako se odabere opcija panoramskog snimanja

Žak uvijek kupuje dvije karte za kino/kazalište. Jednom je dobio sjedala u različitim redovima

Žak nikad ne prelazi cestu, on je uvijek na obje strane.

Žak bi mogao biti osmi kontinent

Q: Zašto žirafa ima dugačak vrat?
A: Pa mora, sirota, živi u planinu i to...

Q: Koje je vaše tajno oružje?
A1: Moje tajno oružje je kad ja radim a komšije me zovu na kafu.
A2: Moje tajno oružje je moja keva Džurdža koja ima treći dan crni pojas.

Q: Šta je za vas ljubav?
A: Kada vaćaram devojku za guzu preko farmerkama.

Q: Šta su to dijabole?
A: Dijabole? To je vrsta ljudi koji noću juru slepi mišovi.

Q: Šta znači izreka sto ljudi sto ćudi?
A: Sto ljude sto ćulo? Paz' da ti kažem. Sto ljude to mora da bude sto ljude, a sto ćulo to mož da bude sto ćulo a i ne mora da bude sto ćulo.

Q: Koliko lubenica ima u 1kg?
A: Lubenica? Pa vi ste sigurno mislili na krastavce.

Q: Da li će da dođu vanzemaljci?
A: Vanzemljaci? Ako hoćeju da dođeju nek dođeju ako nećeju ne moraju.

Q: Koja je najveća građevina na svetu?
A1: Hala sportova na Novi Beograd.
A2: To je građevina koju je izgradilo preduzeće iz Leskovac.

Q: Kako se zove vaš orkestar? (pitanje je postavljeno grupi Roma s plehanim instrumentima)
A: Džudi.
Q: Zašto?
A: Zato što smo svi džudiste.

Q: Šta radiš kad ništa ne radiš?
A: Čitam stripovi, gledam pornići i živim za fajt.

Q: Zašto se muškarci ne šminkaju?
A: Zato što se znoje pa da im ti otrovi ne bi došli u usta.

Q: Koji je vaš hobi?
A1: Džudo, Džudo od malena. Terali su me da treniram k'o neka životinja e.
A2: Bebe sam pravila.

Q:Koja je vaša omiljena igračka?
Cigančica koja stoji iza: Barbika.
Cigančica koja odgovara: Ćuti ti, Barbika...

Q: Da li su žene emancipovane?
A: AaA?!

Q: Koja životinja bi hteli da budete?
A: Pčela
Q: A zašto pčela ?
A: Pa pčela je marljiva, vredna... Pravi đem...

Q: Ko je vaš idol?
A: Majkl Džekson
Q: A zašto?
A: Pa dečko se lepo oblači, ima fine bele čarape, puno dobrih riba, i vidi se da živi za fajt.

Q: Šta vam je cilj u životu?
A: Da jedem sendviči na sprat

Q: Koju boju očiju biste voleli da imate?
A: Pa ... volela bih da imam ... oči boje ka pamarandža

Q: Koji je vaš tip muškarca ?
A: (baba crveni, gleda levo desno i kaže ...) Eve ga, onaki brka

Q: Šta je to dobra riba ?
A: Pa ono, da bude dobro građena, da se tušira svaka tri četiri dana...

Q: Da li se brže trči u braon ili u crnim cipelama?
A: U braon, bolje prijanjaju uz zemlju.

Q: Kako se vi udvarate devojci?
A: Ja se predstavim da sam iz Nemačku!

Q: Da li vam se sviđa Bebi Dol?
A: Odlično je. Koristim ga i za lice i za telo.

Q: Šta vas najviše nervira u životu?
A: Ma mlatu nas ovi snikersi, oće da nas poludu

Q: Šta biste rekli da vas žena vara?
A: (Muž stoji pored žene): Ko bre da me vara? Ona? Pa vidiš kaka je šugava

Q: Šta biste poručili vanzemaljcima?
A: Zemljacima?
Q: Ma ne, vanzemaljci su oni koji ne žive na našoj planeti
A: Aa, pa ako neće da živi ne mora, gde mu bolje široko mu polje.

Q: Koja vam je omiljena životinja?
A: Lav.
Q: Zašto lav?
A: Pa car je na sve životinje, ima grivu, a i šmeker je ovako....

Voditeljica: Imate li nekoga ko vam se sviđa?
A: Imam, evo vi, baš ste šaramantni!

In the Event of my Demise



When my heart can beat
no more
I hope I die for a principle
or a belief that I have
lived for
I will die before my time
because I already
feel the shadow’s depth
So much I wanted to
accomplish before I
reached my death
I have come to grips with
the possibility and wiped
the last tear from my eyes
I loved all who were positive
in the event of my demise


Neobjavljena pjesma koju je 2Pac želio podijeliti s prijateljima nakon svoje smrti

'Evo zore evo dana,
evo Boška Balabana.

Na izmaku noć je crna,
iz birtije ide Srna.

Malo pravo, malo krivo,
evo stiže Olić Ivo.

Kod Ćire smo bili djeca,
pa se nama sluša Ceca!

Kod Slavena kruha nema,
on bi slušo Pearl Jama!

Vidi Srne kako pjeva,
il' ko fol samo zijeva.

Nije sam, lane moje,
i kolege tu su, njih je troje.

Pršti Ceca, pršti Brena,
to je prava karantena.'

Intro: Fat Joe]
Owwwwww!!!! yeah! my niggaz!!! uh huh!!!
Throw your hands in the air right now man!!!
Feel this shit right here! Scott Storch nigga!
Yeah Khalid I see you nigga!!!
Show Big Pun love! Uh! Yeah! Uh! Yo!

[Verse 1: Fat Joe]
I don't give a fuck about your faults or mishappens nigga
We from the Bronx, New York, shit happens
Kids clappin, love to spark the place
Half the niggaz in the squad got a scar on their face
It's a cold world and this is ice
Half a mill for the charm, nigga this is life
Got the Phantom in front of the buildin, Trinity Ave
Ten years been legit, they still figure me bad
As a young'n - was too much to cope with
Why you think ? mu'fuckers nicknamed me Cook Coke shit
Shoulda been called Armed Robbery
Extortion, or maybe Grand Larceny
I did it all, I put the pieces to the puzzle
Just as long, I knew me and my peoples was 'gon bubble
Came out the gate on some Flow Joe shit
Fat nigga with the shotty was the logo kid!

[Chorus: Fat Joe]
Said my niggaz don't dance we just pull up our pants
And do the rockaway, now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back
I said my niggaz don't dance we just pull up our pants
And do the rockaway, now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back
(Come on!)

[Verse 2: Remy Martin]
R to the Ezzy, M to the Yzzy
My arms stay breezy, the Don stay flizzy
Got a date at 8, I'm in the 7-4-fizzive
And I just bought a bike so I can ride till I die
With a matchin jacket, 'bout to cop me a mansion
My niggaz in the club, but you know they not dancin
We gangsta, and gangstas don't dance- we boogie
So never mind how we got in here with burners and hoodies
Listen we don't pay admission and the bouncers don't check us
And we - walk around the metal detectors
And there really ain't a need for a VIP section
In the middle of the dance floor reckless, check it
Said he - liked my necklace, started relaxin
Now that's what the fuck I call a chain reaction
See "Money Ain't a Thing" nigga, we still the same niggaz
Flows just changed now we bout to change the game nigga

[Chorus: Fat Joe]
Said my niggaz don't dance we just pull up our pants
And do the rockaway, now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back
I said my niggaz don't dance we just pull up our pants
And do the rockaway, now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back
(Come on!)

[Verse 3: Fat Joe]
Now we living better now, Coogi sweater now
And that G4 can fly through any weather now
See, niggaz get tight when you worth some millions
This is why I sport the chinchilla to hurt they feelings
You can find Joe Crack at all type of shit
Out in Vegas front row to all the fights and shit
If 5-0 boy come, then they'd proudly squeal
Cause half these rappers they +Blow+ like Derek Foreal
If you cross the line, damn right I'm 'gon hurt ya
These faggot niggaz even made gang signs commercial
Even Lil' Bow Wow throwin it up
B2K crip walkin like that's what's up!
Kay keep tellin me to speak about the Rucker
Matter of fact, I don't wanna speak about the Rucker
Not even Pee Wee Kirkland could imagine this
My niggaz didn't have to play to win the championship, come on!

[Chorus: Fat Joe]
Niggaz don't dance we just pull up our pants
And do the rockaway, now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back
I said my niggaz don't dance we just pull up our pants
And do the rockaway, now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back
(Come on!)

[Outro: Fat Joe]
Ha! ha! yeah! (Can you hear me?!)
Bronx, BX borough, Terror Squad, uh (Ha!)
Big Pun forever, Tone Montana forever (Can you hear me?!)
Uh! Yeah! Streets is ours, come on!!!
Nah man, it ain't never gon stop
Search!!! Raul!!! JB, Fat Ant come on!!! Uh!!

Ustao sam ujutro s glavom nateklom
I zakačio malim nožnim prstom o stol
Spotaknuo se o tvoje papuče
U padu otkinuo zastor i glavom puk'o u radijator

Htio sam ti baciti vazu u glavu
Kad' si se probudila i poslala me k vragu
Al' sam u agoniji bola stenjao ispod stola
U grču se previjao kad mi je sinulo

Ne volim te nit' sam te ikad volio
Na tvoje omiljeno pitanje evo ti odgovor
Bio sam mlad i totalno zagorio
Tako je valjda sve to krenulo

Od samoće i dobrog sexa nastala je naša veza
Početni žar je bio zavidan
Da nisam svakoga dana otkrio još mana
Sad si u mojim očima samo još greška na nogama

Što se smiješ k'o hijena to me toliko ne smeta
Koliko neke druge navike
Nit' što vreće od tampona bacaš stalno s balkona
Samo jedno ipak ne razumijem

NIJE MI JASNO ŠTO NE ZATVARAŠ ZUBNU PASTU!?

Yeah, ladies and gentleman
Broadcasting live to you and yours
It's Mr. X to the Z, Xzibit
Yeah, bounce it
Come on

The first day of the rest of my life (X)
Stand behind the mic like Walter Kronkike
Yo, keep the spotlight
I'm keeping my rhymes tight
Lose sight of what you believe
And call it a night
This ain't the light-weight, cake mix shit that you're used to
Teflon territory, you just can't shoot through
You gon shoot who? (who?)
Not even on your best day
Rollin' the Wild West way, givin' it up
Leavin' the whole world stuck, not givin' a fuck
Laid in the cut, now we break through in the rut
Hennesy and Orange Juice, baby fill up a cup
Quick to grab Mary Jane by the butt and squeeze
Loosen up, let your hair down, and join the festivities
Overcrowd the house like lockdown facilities
Bitches be quick to give me brains while I post the range
Going up and down my dick like the stock exchange

(X) Rearrange the whole game with my rugged sound
(X) Won't even say your own name when I come around
(X) Stay on top but remain from the underground
(X) to the Z and we all in the family

(X) Rearrange the whole game with my rugged sound
(X) Won't even say your own name when I come around
(X) Stay on top but remain from the underground
(X) to the Z and we all in the family

Ever since Xzibit could spit, been on some pimp shit
Approach every woman like a potential mistress
Shine bright, make sure that (X) stay tight
Cause tonight I might meet my next ex-wife
Mr. Big Chief Reefa (uh-huh), Xzibit use his dick like a Visa
I run it through and money come out
Runnin' your mouth, I'll have somebody run in your house
Ravel your spouse and have a little fun on the couch
Now you know that it was bound to happen
I came to give you what you lackin'
Whenever you hear them other niggas rappin
Rockin' chains, stadium, paladiums, cracked craniums
My whole skeleton is dipped in titanium
Drop tops sittin' on twenties
Using rappers like crash test dummies
Stackin' real estate and money
It's funny how things change overnight when you thinking right
I beat the odds like Ike beat on his first wife

(X) Rearrange the whole game with my rugged sound
(X) Won't even say your own name when I come around
(X) Stay on top but remain from the underground
(X) to the Z and we all in the family

(X) Rearrange the whole game with my rugged sound
(X) Won't even say your own name when I come around
(X) Stay on top but remain from the underground
(X) to the Z and we all in the family

What an event?
We hardcore 100%
Making it stick, Los Angeles proudly presents (X)
The real deal, how does it feel?
No special effects
Yank the chain off of your neck and demand the respect
Now all your conversations sound strange to me
Seems like everybody around me want me to change but me
I stand alone, on my own two feet
Stagger tracks, strangle the beat
Restless, no time for sleep
Niggas be weak, I'm concrete like bitumen grit
It's a very thin line between a foe and a friend
Straight to the chair
(Not these niggas again)
Crawl back, bounce in the spot and slide right in
I ain't trying to see nothing but progress, regardless
Home of the heartless, move right, remain cautious
Represent nothing but the hustle and struggle
Hennesy, rock plenty of ice, making a double, now SCREAM

(X) Rearrange the whole game with my rugged sound
(X) Won't even say your own name when I come around
(X) Stay on top but remain from the underground
(X) to the Z and we all in the family

[Snoop Dogg]
So there you have it
A-B-C-D-P-G-C
X to the motherfuckin' Z
Mr. Xuberant, Xtravagant
Xtrodinary, Xciting, X-alotta
X 'em with a little bit of Xtasy
X-ing your bitch out if you tryna test a g
And what's the recipe?
Xcalibur weaponary
And we shoot Xceptionally
That there is hot
X marks the spot?
Fuck naw, X spots the marks
Xclamation point, niggaz.....

Do you want to get high?(yeah)
Does everybody want to get high? (yeah)

Hits from the bong
Hits from the bong
Hits from the bong
Hits from the bong

pick it, pack it
Fire it up, come along
And take a hit from the bong
Put the blunt down
Just for a second
Don't get me wrong
It's not a new method
Inhale
Exhale
Just got an ounce in the mail
I like a blunt or a big fat cone
But my double-barrel bong
Is gettin' me stoned
I'm skill it
There's water inside don't spill it
It smells like shit on the carpet
Still it
Goes down smooth when I get a clean hit
Of the skunky, phunky, smelly green shit
Sing my song
Puff all night long
As I take hits from the bong
Hits from the bong y'all

Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?
Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?

Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?
Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?

Let's smoke that bowl
Hit the bong
And then take that finger off of that hole
Plug it
Unplug it
Don't strain
I love you Mary Jane
She never complains
When I hit Mary
With that flame
I light up the cherry
She's so good to me
When I pack a fresh bowl I clean the screen
Don't get me stirred up
The smoke, through the bubbling water
Is makin' it pure so I got ta
Take my hit and hold it
Just like Chong
I get the bowl and I reload it
Get my four-footer and bring it on
As I take hits from the bong

Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?
Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?

Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?
Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?

Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?
Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?

Hits from the bong
Can i get a....hit?